Local Humour

A smattering of village humor based upon actual occurances - well almost all!
Certain actual occurances most certainly tickled the webmaster's humor.

1. Tourism
a)  A traffic cop watching a visiting biker flashing past doing a 'wheelie' with a beer in one hand, after leaving the local pub during one of those Biker's Rallys that they have in the quiet country towns and a local cop saying something like " We allow the bikers to do these things in the town because the Bikers say that they are mostly Professionals".

2. Essential Services
People rushing to get a spot under the local high voltage Power Lines with their available containers,  to have their bacteria or microbe laden water irradiated for free!

3. Road Marking
A Municipal worker watching a car zig zag up a potholed road and he thinks to himself, " I wonder where I am supposed to paint the centre line?"

4. Governance
a) A Municipal Councillor looking at the building works of the new Clinic going up on the wrong plot and saying,, "how did that get there?"
b) A Municipal Councillor's response to a suggestion from a Ratepayer that the Municipality should sell off a resort facility as it is loosing about R350000 a year, was...  "Over my dead body. In the years of Apartheid, I was not allowed to swim in the pool (of the resort) and now I can." (Almost R1000 a day as a cost to the Ratepayer - if the Councillor swims every day of the year of course!)

5. Water Management
A Municipal Engineer looking at the empty dam whose walls have just been raised in height in anticipation  of water that will presumably flow into it (water cannot flow into it, as they haven't thought about where the water will come from to fill it) and asking a worker to make a hole in it at the old level because "we haven't yet got permission from Water Affairs to raise the wall yet".

6.  Town Planning
Another official of the municipality looking at a building that has just been built without approved plans, after demolision of a protected building, now built about 4,8 metres over the boundary and onto the one and only pavement and commenting "well at least, we won't have to worry about the maintenance of the pavement now"!

7.  Traffic in the main street
A woman with a baby in a pram, running to get over the main street, with a vehicle bearing down on her and an onlooker saying, "it's disgusting, see how she puts that baby at risk by running with her high heels on while pushing the baby in a pram!!"

8. Advertising signs
A member of the public looking at one of the Estate Agent's signs that have replaced the traffic control signs on a village Street and commenting,, "Gee Wiz, these are novel street signs! You can't miss them!"

9.  Housing, Health & Sanitation
a)  A shack dweller sitting in one of the new chemical toilets erected a few days before the Municipal Election feeling very happy and relaxed and singing to herself, "I have that loving feeling", when some children push over the toilet and it rolls down the hill with her in it.
b)  A resident on his way past the new chemical toilets to the adjacent stream to do his sanitation business and upon seeing an election poster lying next to a stream with a big lump of S------ placed strategically on the face of the Ward Candidate depicted, remarks to himself, "maybe that's for non-delivery of services?"
c)  An official of the Municipality denying that there is an increase in the numbers of squatter shacks proliferating all over the town by saying that the situation is monitored closely and only additions caused by "human instrumentalty" have occured.

10.  Property Sales
a)  A  potential property buyer looking at the squatter camp on a hill somewhere, while someone walks by with poles on his shoulder cut from the local Nature Reserve and asking the Estate Agent,,, "do you think they will spread any further?"
b)  A potential property buyer looking at the atrocious state of the roads in a village while looking at a property and asking the Estate Agent,, "what will our Rates and Taxes be?"
c)  A potential property buyer looking at a cow grazing on the side-walk of the main street of a village and asking the Estate Agent, "does one need grazing rights for cattle in this town"? And, the Estate Agent answering, "Of course not! It is part of the rural ambiance and it is encouraged".
d)  A new owner of property in a village upon discovering that his boundary actually goes through his TV set in the lounge, says something like,, "well I'm buggered if I am going to pay my whole TV license amount this year!"